Birth Stories

I am shocked that this morning I am 30 weeks pregnant. To be honest, I am still holding very loosely to the idea of having a newborn in the house. It seems like I have been perpetually pregnant for the last three years, and I have yet to welcome a little one into our home. That sounds a lot more depressing than I mean it to be. I know that God is so much bigger than I am, He owes me no explanation. And I am grateful that He isn't asking me to understand His plan, He just wants me to joyfully obey and submit to His plans.

I have been praying about the delivery room a lot lately. I really don't know what to expect. After I delivered Gideon I had a really hard time thinking about the delivery of my other three children. There is such a sharp contrast, and there really is no way to compare a live birth to a stillbirth. I spent a lot of time trying not to think about the first three, because it made the experience with Gideon a lot worse. And then after Gabriel, I found that I couldn't even remember the births of my first three children. Believe me when I say, I am not proud to say that, and it brings with it a lot of guilt, but again, given the circumstances, it made sense to push them from my mind.

But lately I have been trying to remember each one, and I think I am going to share them here. It's probably the only record my kids will have, given that I, like most moms, have a complete baby book for Rachel, an okay one for Michael, and Chloe's name (and nothing else) on one. So, that's going to be my project for the next few weeks. I am hoping and praying that calling to mind my childrens' birth stories will remind my of the great joy and the overwhelming presence of God I felt each time we were blessed with another child.

And if nothing else, it will make my mother-in-law really happy.

Oh, and on a much funnier note, we let the kids watch the movie Nanny McPhee. The nanny starts off as really ugly, and as the children obey, she gets prettier. A few days later I told Chloe to do something and her response was, "If I obey will you get prettier?"