Surprise

Okay, so Mike and I have some news to share. But I'm not going to tell you until you promise that you will read this whole post. And it might be a little long (as if there are short posts on here).

Promise?

Okay here goes ...

I'm pregnant.

Two little words that I have had the privilege of saying six times. Each time there have been different reactions, and I think it is safe to say that most people will meet this announcement with much hesitation. I get that. It seems unsettling that we would be pregnant again. Unsettling and a little insane. I feel the need to say that this pregnancy was nothing that Mike and I were seeking out, and that it was decided by God alone. But aren't all pregnancies decided by God alone? He alone holds life and death, and although for most of the other pregnancies, we sought them out, ultimately, every time, it was His decision and not ours.

Over the last year Mike and I have said the same thing countless times. First, that we were definitely done having children. And secondly, that if by some miracle we wound up pregnant, we wouldn't tell anyone. The miracle has happened and we've changed our minds about the second part. That's because God has been doing a mighty work in my heart.

See the thing is, it's not that God might bless us with another life. He already has. He has already created this life and is even now weaving this child together. I have no way of knowing if we will enjoy this child here, or if we will have to wait until eternity, but either way, this child's life has begun. I am the mother of 6 children. Nothing will change that.

We have no idea if we will have this child for 20 weeks or 50 years, or any length of time in between. But I know more important things. Like Who created this child. And Who will hold this child if I can't. I know that if this life ends at some point in my pregnancy, it will begin again in a new way that I can't even imagine. I know that God loves me. And I know that no matter what happens, it will be His best plan. His BEST plan. His first plan. I'm not saying it will feel like the best plan, but it will be. His Word promises that.

So I'm all in with this pregnancy, just like I've been with all the rest. I'm going to pray over this child, sing to this child, talk to this baby about the family that waits for him/her and pray that we won't have to wait so long this time. I'm going to carry this child for as long as God allows. And praise Him the whole time for the life that has begun.

I'm not saying it won't be difficult. Even as I type this I am crying. Hard. But I know my God, and His grace is sufficient. He has never failed me. Not once. And I can count on that again. When I first found out that I was pregnant I was filled with such a sense of God's peace, and a reminder that He is perfect in my weakness. That He is never going to ask me to do something that He won't carry me through. I am going to spend this pregnancy resting in that.

Praise God with us for this life. Pray that we would walk this road in a manner worthy of the calling. Pray that when fear grabs hold, I would remember that my God is infinitely loving, merciful, gracious, sovereign, and that fear is an affront to the character to God. Pray that I would keep my emotions in check, and never want anything more than I want the will of God in my life. Pray for our kids, as we try and help them walk the fine line between hoping for the best, and holding loosely to the things of this world. And pray that this time we would get to welcome our little one into our home.